Mommy Dreams

A look into my thoughts and dreams of becoming and being a mother while learning how to be a woman with PCOS.

September 27, 2002

I have been away trying to set up my blogs in Movable Type 2.21 on my own domain. It is a slow process, and thankfully I have a wonderful husband. It should be up by next week!

First before I put this link up, I have to say how much I love the Today show and NBC. They are right there with families who are experiencing infertility. They are not like that nasty Nancy Snyderman on ABC who says (Paraphrasing) "People should accept that if you are infertile you should not have a child if you can't afford the treatments on your own." Boo on her .. But, Yaa for Today..

Here is a link to interactive, video, and articles on Overcoming Infertility. THANK YOU!!

September 26, 2002

I hate being in VA around the holidays. What makes it even worse this year is that the F#$*^@( company I work for says no one is allowed to even ask for days off around or on the holidays. How in the F#$* can they get away with that. I hate it soo much. I am seriously thinking about getting another job. I want something professional. I want to be important to the daily function of the business I work for. I don't want to be a piece of the puzzle that can be skipped or replaced within seconds.

September 24, 2002

Two doctor's appts down..

Yesterday we took Thomas to the pediatric urologist for his three month post-op exam. Doctor is very pleased and says he never needs to see Thomas again. Paul and I have some concerns about cosmetic aspects, but we will wait until it has healed more and then decide if it is really that bad. In the end he is fine and healthy and there are no more necessary surgeries in his future

Today I went to the dermatologist. I have too many moles to count. I had one removed today that grew in a matter of weeks and has been getting stuck on shirts and just about everything. I have to have another removed, because it looks funny. It will be biopsied. The one removed today will be biopsied as well, but there is no expectation of anything suspicious.

This-or-That: September 24, 2002
1. "Gone With The Wind" or "The Wizard of Oz"? WIizard of Oz
2. "Toy Story" or "Shrek"? Shrek
3. "Saturday Night Fever" or "Grease"? Grease
4. "Casablanca" or "Citizen Kane"? Never seen either of these
5. "When Harry Met Sally" or "You've Got Mail"? You've got mail
6. "Forrest Gump" or "Titanic"? Titanic, but it was a hard choice
7. "Pretty Woman" or "Working Girl"? Pretty Woman
8. "The First Wives Club" or "Thelma & Louise"? never seen either, all the way through
9. "Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory" or "James & the Giant Peach"? neither
10. "Legally Blonde" or "Bridget Jones' Diary"? Bridget Jones' Diary

September 22, 2002

Fire engine red, screaming red, cherry red; all of these describe the rear end of my favorite baby. I wish there was something more we could do. Paul is wiping it with wipes which leads to screaming. Then I get pissed, because he is so scruff. Sometimes the best thing to do for a diaper rash is to lather on the cream and leave it alone. Wiping hurts, and now my baby is in pain.

To top it off we are off to the Pediatric Urologist tomorrow. Thomas has his three month post-op visit. Paul and I have major concerns. We just hope they can be resolved without surgery.

September 21, 2002

Why do 9 month old babies believe that 6am is playtime and that they can't play without Mommy or Daddy? Thankfully, Paul got up with him half an hour later. I slept another 4 hours. Paul even ran our loud ass dishwasher and I slept through it.

Now if I could just pry him away from Red Alert 2, we might be able to go out today!

I promised my sister that I would not call her all weekend. Now for me that is a hard thing to promise. If I get bored, she is the first one I call. (hey it is my long distance bill). I promised her I would not call because this is her last weekend with her husband before he deploys for 3 months or more. Paul says they knew what they were getting into when they got married and he joined the army. But, no one expects to fight savages with AK47's. I just pray that he and his fellow soldiers are safe and that they are able to control the savages.

If you don't mind please keep in mind that we do have young men and women all over the world fighting for our nation. These people have wives, husbands, babies, brothers, sisters, mothers, and fathers. They are all loved and they will miss a part of their lives while serving their country. Please say a prayer for them!

September 20, 2002

Friday, September 20, 2002
1. Would you say that you're good at keeping in touch with people?
I am good at keeping in touch with people until the other person stops making an effort. Then I feel like there is no reason to put the attempt at keeping in touch out there.
2. Which communication method do you usually prefer/use: e-mail, telephone, snail mail, blog comments, or meeting in person? Why?I prefer in person, so that we can do things. I get bored sitting at home. But, since I am pretty far from my family and friends I would say e-mail is my favorite.. now if my family could just learn to check their e-mail.
3. Do you have an instant messenger program? How many? Why/why not? How often do you use it?
I have three installed. I use aim and ICQ the most. I only talk to two people on icq so it is not open very much. AIM is open more often, but I prefer not to be interupted when I am surfing so I am invisible a lot.
4. Do most of your close friends live nearby or far away?I guess I already answered that on number 1.
5. Are you an "out of sight, out of mind" person, or do you believe that "distance makes the heart grow fonder"?
Distance makes the heart grow fonder. I was actually having good thoughts about my MIL's visit until she got here. I also remember friends from highschool and wonder where they are and how they are doing.

September 19, 2002

I think I am getting Thomas' cold again and I am super sore from the Awesome Abs class yesterday. Gadang.. why do I feel this way on a day that I have to go to work?

September 18, 2002

I am happy to say that the season premiers of our favorite shows are happening in the next few weeks. I was upset that Dawson's Creek was not premiering until October 2nd. Now I am finding out that my shows are slowly coming back. I like this way. I have something new to look forward to over the next few weeks.

This week we anticipated 7th Heaven (We are really hoping the stupid story of the older man goes away) Enterprise, and ER.
Next week we are looking forward to West Wing, Buffy, and Jag.
Then Oct will bring Dawson's.

We love our shows and that is A OK. At least it gets us off the computer .. he he

2 pairs of Jeans. These Jeans are not just any jeans. No sir, these are Lane Bryant Exclusives - Low Rise Boot Cut Petite Size None of your bees wax. Now here is my delima on this. I am 5'7" and buying petite pants that are low rise and they still are so damn close to my belly button that I feel ripped off on buying the "low rise". I did not go out and buy the low rise to be trendy. They were the only type of jeans that Lane Bryant carries that does not have stretch in them. Can we just say that I am happy to have jeans that fit no matter what they are called.

Thomas is just a busy little beaver. He never stops unless he is eating (er.. he still tries to get out of my lap and take the bottle or my breast with him) or fast asleep. He has knocked over the video tape tower, gotten into the cat water, and unfolded my towels. Grrr.. But, he is a growing boy. Oh, you will be glad to know he does not get mad when you say no. He turns around and gives you a big grin and goes right back to what he is doing. He is my baby boy!

I went out and bought jeans at target a couple of months ago. They had a little spandex in them but fit perfectly at the time. I can wear these pants for a few hours but after that they are huge and I feel like I keep having to pull them up. My real jeans are all too big for me. I guess that is a good thing. I have to find some jeans that fit today. If you have a small torso you know how hard this is going to be, but I have to do it. It is going to get very cold very soon.

September 17, 2002


The latest plan to drive the terrorists out of Afghanistan's
mountainous regions is to send in a team of Alabama Special Forces.

Billy Bob, Bubba, Boo, Scooter, Cooter and Troy, are being
sent in with the following info about Al-Qaida and Taliban members:

1. There is no limit.
2. The season opened last week-end.
3. They taste just like chicken.
4. They don't like beer, pickup trucks, country music or Jesus.
5. Some are queer.
6. They don't like barbeque.
7. They were responsible for Dale Earnhardt's death.
Should be over in just about a week.

FYI: This is just a joke. I mean no offense to Billy Bob or his sister Jenny Lynn.

I made it to the gym today. I was all gung ho to get one more round of cardio in when I went to check on Thomas (this Mommy still does not trust the child care) and he was crawling and I smiled the girl started talking and I could not hear her through the glass but when I opened the door the only thing I heard was my baby crying. She had a lame excuse as to why she did not come and get me. Blah on her!

Everyone thinks Thomas is a beautiful baby and they still say he is tiny. I have to bite my tongue not to say that he was premature. He is perfect as far as I am concerned and there is no need for excuses. He is our big boy!!

I have my car (it actually has no background noise so I guess they fixed something). Now I am off to the DMV to get my new plates. I am going to have lunch with Paul after the DMV and then Thomas and I are going to the gym. YAAA!! Life is getting back to normal.

September 16, 2002

I almost forgot to tell you what happened Saturday morning. We woke up (7 people in a hotel room) and got ready to go to VA Beach. I called work to findout if I had to work that night or the next day. I called at 6:45am I was supposed to be there at 7am. I was two hours away from the store. I had not taken a shower, did not have my uniform, and was on my way to the beach. Plans changed quickly. We jumped in the car by 715 (after listening to MIL whine about not seeing us anymore) and made it home by 9 am (when I told the boss I would be there.. I am an optimist you know). I did make it to work by 930. But, I felt off the whole day.

I went to work yestereday and kept rubbing my chin and trying to cover it up. I had to do that because I could feel some hairs coming through my skin. I hate this part of PCOS the most. I can forget that I am fat and run a mile, I can forget that I have not had a period in 3 months and look at a baby and smile. I can't forget to pluck the hairs on my chin, if I do I feel so yucky all day. There is no quick fix for this. I either have to take a medication (and basically never stop except for nursing and being pregnant) that won't show results for 6 months or have pricey electrolosis treatments. I hate PCOS. I hate PCOS.

September 15, 2002

I am alive. We had a hellish few days. I will go into that later. But, I did want to say that I survived the visit and they are gone and thank goodness that I don't have to see them until Christmas. Blah that I have to be there.. but what can I do? Knowing me I will think of something.. LOL

September 11, 2002

SEPTEMBER 11th 2001

There are no words to explain my feelings today. I have cried, put my flags up, and burnt my candles. I want to honor those who lost their lives. I want to honor those who are fighting for us on the front lines and in the background. I want to be at the ceremonies. (I have to work) I told Thomas that I want him to always know I love him. I want peace on earth!!

The In-laws are still here. I had my shoulder patted for 30 seconds then she rubbed my hair. eww


In the big spectrum of life and what happened on this day last year I can't wish ill on her. Paul would be miserable if he lost his mother. So for today there will be no more whining about her

September 08, 2002

Please pray for me. They are here. I hate getting my back patted and my knee too

Those Planes Hit Us All

Thomas and I were taking a nap (hey that is what Mommies do when their boys are sleepy and need to cuddle too) when the phone rang. He was out but it woke me up. I was sure that Paul was going to walk in frantic telling me that his Mom was at the corner. No one came to the door of the apartment and Paul never came out of the office.

Paul told me when I got up that they were going to stop in Richmond and had made several other stops along the way. I don't understand. You are coming to Virginia. You are going to run our butts so that you can see all of DC. But, you want to see more? Why? I am sorry, but I am a firm believer in going from point a to b with as little unplanned stops. Planned stops must be kept to a small amount of time. I am anal like that. I have to have a plan. If you want to stop and eat a meal where you get a menu you better not go with me because I have you on a schedule. We leave at 8am stop at 10, 12, 2, and 5 before arriving at the destination. It is that simple the stops seem frequent? That is because I like to drink water. Got a problem with it? OK, I don't know why I went that direction but, I seriously do not understand driving off the highway x miles to see y when y will be there and you could go any time. I have them on a schedule too you know.

We are taking a break. Don't have the time. But, what the heck if it were my Mom that would be one thing but .. his Mom oh this is a different story. They could be here anytime and he does not seem too bothered. :)

September 07, 2002

I am following in many people's footsteps and starting a life style change blog. I am going to document my goals and my triumps. I am also going to keep track of how I am feeling. It is hosted by blogger too so check it out! Changing for Me!

Welcome to the world outside of Mommy, Alyssa Arianna. Congratulations to Heidi and Michael!!!
A tiny baby makes my boy look so BIG

In 24 hours or less my house will have 4 extra people in it. Do you see me doing the happy dance? I think not! I will be looking forward to work.. Speaking of which they called me 45 min before the shift and told me they were slow and I did not have to come in tonight. That would be great but Saturdays are the better nights and if this keeps up a job at MCy D's might be better.

I am watching CNN.. We normally get up in the morning and watch some sort of news or listen to NPR on the radio. They are talking about September 11th (of course). I am in tesars. I blocked a lot of the personal stuff out when it happened. I could not stand to hear about the people who died. I was not being harsh but it was too much. I am crying today but I can watch some stories now so I am learnign what I missed in the first days when I would turn the channel to another news program when they started talking about specific people. These people gave their lives for a battle they did not know they were fighting. The staff of the pentagon knew they could always be a target but they went to work everyday with the purpose of keeping our nation safe.


I wonder what she thought
As she stood there, strong and tall.
She couldn't turn away,
She was forced to watch it all.

Did she long to offer comfort
As her country bled?
With her arm forever frozen
High above her head.

She could not shield her eyes
She could not hide her face
She just stared across the water
Keeping Freedom's place.

The smell of smoke and terror
Somehow reduced her size
So small within the harbor
But still we recognized...

How dignified and beautiful
On a day so many died
I wonder what she thought,
And I know she must have cried.
~~Author Unknown~~
I am trying to post something to remind us of Sept 11th everyday. I recieved this and other poems via e-mail. If this is your work please let me know and I will give you credit where it is greatly due for this beautiful poem

September 06, 2002

My new addiction

Update on the car:
I took it to another shop. There is a leak. They are cheaper. Thank God!

He is trying to stand up unassisted, I wish he would learn to sit down on his own first.

I am going to try to work a double tomorrow to pay for the car

Next week:
The in-laws will be here. Could be good, could be very very bad.

Friday Five:

1. What is your biggest pet peeve? Why?
Irresponsible, rude people bug the crap out of me. I have always said excuse me, thank you, I'm sorry. I hate it when someone cuts you off in an aisle and glares at you. I hate it when all it would take is a simple excuse me for me to know that they need by so that they don't rake our carts together. There is more but that is the tip of the iceburg. Oh, my waitress pet peeves are people not tipping, and people who leave a mess all over the table. You have a plate. When you are done eating put the napkin there. If I don't provide good service let me know. My real deal is the fact that people think that 2 dollars is acceptable for a family of 6. I know you are on a budget but I am only making 2 bucks an hour and you made me get you honey mustard 3 freaking times and 4 sprites and all you left me is 2 bucks. *rant over*

2. What irritating habits do you have?
I irritate myself by not standing up for myself. I guess my other habit is always having to have things my way. It is my way or the highway. See question 3.

3. Have you tried to change the irritating habits or just let them be?
I have become a bitch in a lot of scenerios because I feel like I need to stand up for myself now. I have also learned that not everything has to be my way and Paul knows how to give Thomas a bottle (for example.. he knows a lot more too just not how to drive..LOL)

4. What grosses you out more than anything else? Why?
People who do not have pride in themselves. I took Paul to work yesterday morning and all I did was throw on shoes and shorts. I looked ok but I was apologizing up and down for how I looked. I hate going out and seeing people in stained, ripped clothing. If you don't have a lot of money for clothes then treat the clothes you do have better than that. If you respect yourself and present yourself in a positive way people see you for who you are.

5. What one thing can you never see yourself doing that other people do?
Going out and partying all night long. I can see partying a little but what is the point in going to 6 bars and waking up with the worst hang over in the morning. I don't respect people who do that at all.

September 04, 2002

Getting tags in VA is not as easy as it may seem.
You have to have state inspections and in some counties.. Stafford included you have to have emmissions inspections. So you are out
the 32.50 (if you are willing to pay $2 to the 400th anniv of VA) for the sticker
28.00 for an emisions test (if you pass)
15.00 for state safety inspecition (if you pass)
Go to yesterday. I forgot that I did not have the emissions inspection so after waiting an hour in line I have nothing.
This morning I go to 3 shops to get an inspection. Finally, at the third shop they can get me in within the hour.
Tech goes to the car turns on the ignition, rolls down the window, pops the hood. Then he goes back into the shop. Wow! That was quick. I am called up and told they can't do the inspection because I have an exhaust leak. They think it might be x because *&^%^&* Plymoth Breezes suck and usually have this and many other problems. But, they can't get it completed until at least Friday, maybe Monday.

Right now I have no car. I have not gone to the gym. I had to take Paul back to work. I have to go get Paul from work. I have to drop Thomas and Paul off or have Paul take me to work. It will be like this until I get the car back unless I want to sit here all day long.
OH and just to make everything better. Aunt Flo will be appearing soon. The opening act Spot has arrived. LOVELY JUST F&^%$*( LOVELY

830am.. Car Clean, Baby down for morning nap, baby fed
Time to write a proposal for Mom.
Then off to get a new plate for my car

September 11th AOL Memorial Candle.

Every day I remember. One day I will share this horrific story with my baby.
I will tell him of the love we drew from each other in our Nation's time of mourning.
Our Nation is standing strong today and will not fall to terror.
God Bless America!!!
God Bless the people of New York and the Pentagon.
God Bless those who lost their lives and/or their loved ones.

September 03, 2002

I am cleaning out my favorite places and updating my links this week. Stay tuned for new links and if you want me to visit your site. E-mail me for pete's sake. :)

September 01, 2002

People have been doing the Google searches with their names and is.. so here is my search":
"Heather is"
~an online jewelry boutique of classic and simple everyday styles
~small and is schooled at length in the art of her designs.
~a Defender for the Philadelphia Charge of the WUSA and played college soccer for The University of Florida
~shown here with training partner Sean after capturing the women's heavyweight and overall titles in both the New Jersey and Suburban
~well known as a cartoonist and is often seen with a queue of people waiting for a sketch of their dog at Game Fairs!
~a Chicago house pioneer trained in the art of transforming dance floors into jumpin'-bumpin' stomping ground
~once again stereotyped
~named for Chris Hamilton's wife
~contacted by business, societies and various groups to give motivational and inspirational talks to an audience consisting of anything
~planning to take time off when the baby arrives
~a strong, sturdy, intelligent
~athlete, who has good instincts for the game.
~one of the most versatile recording artistes working in the UK today, delivering a wide range of styles, from haunting celtic and mellow jazz...
~ready are you?
~a midsummer tree, red and passionate and is associated with mountains and bees
~the gateway between the inner world and the outer one
~part of who I am and I don't want her to leave anymore
~to create thoughtful and elegant gift baskets with uncommon value and to provide exceptional service.

Pretty interesting if I do say so myself.

thomas and I had breakfast at Cracker Barrel. I could have just driven around for a while and come home. He fell asleep as soon as he hit the carseat. But, he ate a biscuit which probably filled him up so it helped me get him from the car to the crib without waking. I was thinking about going into work and trying to pick up a morning shift but now that I have been there and the b$#%* is there and being a donkey I don't want to be there. Isn't that so sad and she is the manager.

I did make a holiday purchase for the boy. I will let you see what it is when he is ok with displaying it for all.

4 am time to feed the baby.. 430 am time to become a play gym.. 5am daddy tries a bottle.. 520 am baby climbs daddy.. All we want is sleep and all he wants is play.. WAAAAAA... maybe we should just get up and get some breakfast

Today was an ok day. We went to a local restraunt that we have wanted to try for a while. :) Great vegetarian chili and great wings. :) But, then after a brief trip to the library it was time to go home and get ready for work. Did you know that only stupid slow people check me out when I am in a hurry? That is what it seemed like today. But, that is ok because in the end I got to work on time and was actually in the front dining room and did not have to clean the SA Delfield. You all would be happy for me if you ever had to clean that thing.

I have to share this because I love it soo much.. I read it in a MOPS magazine at the gym. This magazine was actually pretty cool. It was different from the normal parenting magazines. :)

So here it is..

"God loves you for who you are, but loves you too much to leave you there. His love doesn't give you license to neglect yourself or to not try something different." Mentor Mom section of MOPS issue Feb/March 2002.