Mommy Dreams

A look into my thoughts and dreams of becoming and being a mother while learning how to be a woman with PCOS.

June 30, 2002

I think I am going to join a gym. I had a membership at Bally's before we moved here and working with the (free for 3 sessions) personal trainer was great. It was so nice that I am willing to pay for one now so that I can get someone to keep me accountable. I really wish Paul would get into this with me but, he is just not willing to do it. Everyday it is the same old thing, tomorrow we will do it. Well, what about today? I am researching gyms today. I have one I think I like but I want to get a couple of prices on other gyms and their services to make sure. I don't want to pay an arm and a leg if I don't have to.

June 29, 2002

Here is the deal. I have so much to write about it is overwhelming. I want to finish the journal entry that I started, I want to write the entry for the one for the IF project, I want to write one on the merits of being flexible but educated during your pregnancy, birth, and postpartum period. I also have a list.. of at least 15 things that I want to write about on my desktop. This does me no good if I sit down at the computer and feel like falling asleep. We have been busy today. But, we have also had a good day. I feel like we are getting back to our normal. It is nice and reassuring.

June 28, 2002

Well, My computer has not been turned on at all today. Paul's computer is on so you get the fun update. :)

Thomas went to the Urologist and he does not believe that the fistula will need to be repaired. It seems to be healing on it's own. He will need another visit in four months to be sure. Doctor is pretty sure that he did not even see the fistula but believes that it was there. I am glad that there may not be another surgery. Also, if we do have to go through another surgery the next one will not require a catheter at all. :) NO BLADDER SPASMS. (I never thought that would be a highlight to my day)

Friday Five:

When was the last time you...

1. ...sent a handwritten letter?

I sent one to my grandmother after Thomas was born. Honestly the only reason I sent that instead of an email is that they do not have a computer. Ack.. How can that be?

2. ...baked something from scratch or made something by hand?
I baked a cake last week. My best job on frosting yet. The cake could have been thicker.

3. ...camped in a tent?
That has not occured yet..

4. ...volunteered your time to church, school, or community?
I donated blood right before I got preggers with Thomas, I also volunteered at a hospital in 2000. I was signed up for orientation at this hospital but had the flu that night and completely forgot.

5. ...helped a stranger?
Yesterday. My neighbor was trying to get the mailbox open and then key always jams on me and it seemed like he had arthriitis. So I took my time checking the mail and walked over to the dumpster. When he looked up I helped him. :) I felt better for helping him.

Now I have to go help my upset boy.. :) Have a great weekend

June 27, 2002

Thomas had two shots today. He did really well. He got a pooh sticker, and two crayon bandaids. I love the crayon bandaids. He weighs 15lbs 11oz and he is 27inches long. :) He is tall and skinny.. Doc says that is ok because of all the trauma with the surgery. She said if we need anything during the next surgery to let them know. That made me feel a lot better. Oh.. Do you like my new layout? Diana did it for me!! :) I have to pimp her as much as I can because she is such an awesome person.. :) I need sleep and down time so I am going to cuddle with Paul. As always there is an entry in the midst..

June 26, 2002

Sign the Thank You Note to our troops. Robyn linked to it. I thought it was such a great thing that I wanted to link it as well.
Paul says this is an old quote but I heard it for the first time today when Joan Lunden was interviewing a tank soldier for behind closed doors. He said, "The more you sweat at peace time, the less you bleed at war."
When you question where all the money is going in the military, don't. It is going toward training and preparing our troops. Honestly, the troops deserve a lot more money than they receive.

Ok.. I linked to their site before visiting it myself. Now I am pissed.. They listed excessive hair growth on the website as a sign of tumors.. they did not say anything about tumors during the segment. What the hell are they doing.. I am livid now.. DAMN ABC can't get a damn bit of information right.. I wrote three letters.. one to the Viewmaster.. one to Barbara Walters and one to Star. Thomas is trying to help me type so I must leave this computer before I loose my hard drive

I did get to my workout this morning. But, now I have no energy to do anything. The last two nights the boys have been loud and unwilling to sleep. Waaa. I want sleep. I need to clean my house but I have no energy.. and I am counting calories today. Do you know that butter cookies don't taste as good when you know that 4 contain 70 calories.. waaa.. OK I am done whining. I really should take a nap. But, that feels so wrong.
Sorry I lied. I am not done bitching. I flipped the channel past A & E and the View was talking about health. I stopped wondering if it would be interesting. The asked about extra facial hair and then the doctor explained that may be a part of PCOS or an adrenal problem. Ok, now maybe Starr was talking about the 0adrenal problem but I think it was about both things.. she pretty much said That is too much for me to handle, I can't do anything for you.I wish that the damn shows would educate their hosts on what they are talking about. They were laughing about two major problems that seriously effect a young woman's life. I might just have to email the show and pout.

June 25, 2002

I got the journal entry up.
Beware it is a long one.. I also added a link to this weblog and to a notify list i created. I wonder if anyone will signup for it? Hmm.. It is late.. I need sleep and Thomas will probably wake up when I lay down. Tis my life!

I found Sherry's web journal after she commented on my journal. She linked to this month becoming World Infertility Month. It is amazing to me that I found the link to that on the day I went back to my RE for a follow up on my fertility and well woman issues that I want to deal with while not trying to concieve. There is a journal entry going up about this visit tonight.. as well as the other part mentioned last night but this link was too good to wait.

I am going to take a minute to preach about this.. becareful about what you do or don't do to your body. I was 18 years old when I was diagnosed with anovulation. I probably could not have done anything to stop from getting this but I might have been able to save myself grief if I would have taken control of my PCOS then instead of waiting until now. Take the time during this last week of June to learn what can harm or help your future fertility. You may not want to get pregnant today but what you do today will effect your future fertility.. right now counts too.

I found this article while sitting in the waiting room at the RE's office:

Fertility Survey Finds Astonishing Results: Only One of 12,382 Women Answered Correctly

This-or-That: June 25, 2002

1. Spam...the lunch meat. Yes or no? Hell No

2. The traffic light is green as you approach, but by the time you get there, it has turned yellow. Stop or go-go-go?Go go go.. most of the time.. I might break if DH or DS are in the car with me

3. You are taking a have to decide whether to fly or take some sort of ground transportation. High or low? Low.. Less $$ and headaches

4. Someone asks you a question about why something is, and you don't know the answer. Try to find out *Why* or just say *I don't know*? Usually will try to find out why.. unless I just don't give a damn

5. You are at the mall, and you spot someone who tortured you when you were in high school. Hello or goodbye?

June 24, 2002

I am in the midst of writing the entry that I mentioned earlier.. but it is late and I have things that I HAVE to do so Thomas and I can be on the road by 7am.. did I mention that Paul is SICK.. the kind of sick I was right after Thomas' surgery. Dangit I know he feels like roadkill but we got $h!+ that has to be done. I guess one more day won't kill it. See you on the flip side..

Participation Positives:

1. We have AC (a necessity in almost a hundred degree heat)
2. Thomas let me finish my workout
3. Tomorrow is my appt with the PCOS Specialist..Finally
4. Thomas is loving his high chair (he had a cute moment with the keyboard on the highchair tray)
5. I have a husband and a son who love me for being me.

The Beginning of the week is here.. I have too many places to go but I will survive... :) and have fun showing Thomas off..

I found this URL the other night and it is really interesting... Your BMI

If you really want to know.. My BMI was 42 in October of 2000, 39 in March of 2001, and is still 39.. My goal BMI is 28

Thomas is fighting me to help type so we are going to go swing.. I am going to write a journal entry later about my urge to request a gatric bypass

June 23, 2002

I stole this from Dyanna

A - Animals: Cats, Dogs, and Horses
B - Best Friend(s): Jennifer (sister), Diana, Leigha
C - Cohabitants: Paul (DH) and Thomas (son)
D - Desire(s): $$$, a house, peace in my family
E - Eye Color: Blue with a touch of brown in the right eye (a speck)
F - Favorite Foods: Soft Serve Vanilla Ice Cream, Brownies (preferrably chewy), strawberries
G - Games: Double Solitare, Phase Ten, Reversi, Free Cell, Peek a boo
H - Habits: Cussing, Spending $$, moody
I - Interests: parenting, books, my computer, friends, family, THOMAS and Paul...
J - Job: Mommy
K - Kitchen...wonder or blunder? Wonder and blunder
L - Languages: English
M - Most valued possession: My lap top
N - Name: Heather
O - Outfit you love: Jeans and a pull over shirt .. anything comfy
P - Pizza toppings: Mushrooms, ham, pepperoni, anything but olives and anchovies
Q - Question asked to you the most: When are you coming to visit?
R - Relationship: Married and Mommy
S - Sport to watch: Baseball
T - Television show(s): General Hospital, Dawson's Creek, CSI, Law and Order, ER, JAG.. really WB, CBS, and NBC minus the reality crap.. other than big brother.. season three is coming soon. :)
U - Unsavory characteristic: Critical of everything
V - Video: Free Willy and My Girl
W - Webpage: .. I been a bad bad girl and not been there for a while.. but I got my reasons..
X - Xylophone (or other instrument): Piano and Clarinet.. never truly mastered either..
Y - Year born: 1979
Z - Zodiac Sign: Sagittarius

June 22, 2002

First.. it is 1045PM... and Thomas is asleep.. our neighbors above turned on their radio at 1015 at a high volume and they are laughing and enjoying the nice weather. If only it were a night that he had not had such a long day!

We ended up finding some extra $$ and went out and bought Thomas his high chair and had money for groceries. Let me tell you God is taking extra special care of us while I stay home.

One of Thomas' many weirdnesses today was eating 3 level 2 jars of baby food and wanting more. This is a first for him (we bought level 3 (extra big jars) for him tonight).. another thing that was a little scary was Paul had diaper duty today while we were out.. Thomas screamed bloody murder the entire time .. both times.. one lady even came to the restroom to check and see if he was being hurt.. thank goodness I was waiting at the door for them.. I told her it was OK and that he just made a mess and hated being cleaned up. How embarassing.

I read the July Issue of Rosie cover to cove while in Border's today. It had a 30 page weight section. I am currently doing pretty good on my exercise. :) Today was a rest day. I am thinking of joining her weight loss challenge. She had a lot of other good articles as well. Robyn linked me to a great writer on accepting your size. Beware that her occupation and thoughts are not mainstream. But, she makes a very valid point as does Rosie's articles on accepting yourself the way you are AS LONG AS YOU ARE HEALTHY. I am loosing weight for several reasons. 1- I don't like the way I look 2- I need to loose weight to be healthy 3- I need to have a better relationship with food and exercise 4- I want to know what I could go to the beach in a bikini 5- I want to have another baby without the help of fertility medications.

Have I mentioned how much I hate money. Paul was paid his gross pay and not his net pay. Oh how we could use that extra $$. I had to move it over to savings after getting the "necessary" bills paid we have 100 smackeros left for the next two weeks.

June 21, 2002

I finished my book. I was so brought in towards the end. I will have to find more books by LaVyrle Spencer. The book was set in a small Catholic Community. It was so good. I love reading. Thomas is still not sure as to why Mommy has to hold something behind him while he is nursing. He will eat the book if I put it in his eye sight.

The weekend is here. We have so much to do. We need a good grocery trip, return a pair of jeans that I got too big for Paul, and get the high chair for Thomas and I keyboard so he will leave our's alone. My niece is turning two on Sunday and Thomas will be 7 months. It is amazing to think of how big he has gotten and how much bigger he will become.

The bill for the surgery and the emergency room came today it was almost 5k for the surgery and $750 for the emergency room. That is half of what it cost for him to be in the NICU on major monitors with lots of tests. But whatever.. they know what it needs to cost. Thank goodness for good insurance.

June 20, 2002

Goodness. I am so tired. I am ready to get to bed. I should go to bed. There will be a long discussion with myself about that after this entry is done. Thomas is asleep. He had another hard night. Ack! He has 2 doctors appts next week so I don't want to rush him in to get checked out. I think this can wait until next week. The cake ended up being pretty good. Paul loved the icing. I needed a large glass of milk to go with it.

We are also going on a week with the windows open. Maybe we can do this all summer and save some dough. Oh for when it rains.. We will worry about that when it happens. Oh.. something else. We took Thomas outside when Paul got home and put him in those swings with 4 leg holes for young children/babies. He had a great time. Oh you should have seen how cute he was. I took some pictures of him in the grass too. Paul took a pic of him on my back. I hope it came out good. I want a nice picture of the two of us this first year. OK.. I am going to bed. Have I said how much I love being able to get my thoughts down in a blog. :)

I got a lot done in the kitchen this afternoon.. then I got the urge to bake a cake. I have been craving something sweet but substantial. This cake came out thin and the frosting is too sweet for me. Thomas wanted batter (he insisted on being held while Mommy mixed the batter) and he got a tiny taste and then went back to the exersaucer to protest while I put the batter in the pan. I did get the frosting job done pretty well. The frosting is chocolate so Paul will eat it.. especially if I make coffee with it.

We also went for a walk up to the bagel shop to get a sandwich. I had always dreamed of owning a coffee shop but if I have to have such shitty prices I don't know. I mean the food is OK but 5.00 for a bagel .. a couple of slices of roast beef, lettuce and tomato? It just seems too much to me. I wish I could support their business more but I don't want to pay more than I think the food is worth.. they have icecream nights so I might take Thomas and let him try it out. I don't get to enjoy ice cream anymore. The boy thinks it all belongs to him.

I need to go clean up the newest mess in the kitchen. Paul is late again. He talks about not bringing work home and not staying late but that is all he does right now. I know it is important and that he is really trying to "show" that he "deserves" this promotion. He deserves it for putting up with the mundane crap he has had to do and the changes he has made. Yes, there is more to be done. But, when isn't there? OK.. I am going to stop now this is going to be long enough to be a journal entry.

I know theoretically that any all exercise kicks your butt. But let me tell you this workout that I am doing now is kicking my abdominal muscles to the T. It might be because of the C Section (but I would rather think it is because it is a kick ass workout). It is Escape Your Shape. I bought this program over 2 years ago and used it for a day or two and put it away. This is day 3 and let me tell you, I want to do the program again tonight because I can feel my muscles working. If I could only get Paul to join me in the workout. Men .. He wants to loose weight but he does not want to exercise.

Oh.. On the cute baby note. Thomas was asleep last night when we came in the room. When we settled down and got quiet he let out a little giggle in his sleep. It was so precious. I wish I could have recorded it.

June 19, 2002

I have been working on journal entries for over a week. I finally posted 3 tonight. The pictures look weird and the thoughts are rambly. But, in all honesty that is the way things seem right now. I started reading a book tonight. I need to get back into reading for pleasure again. This book is by LaVyrle Spencer, Then Came Heaven. I am on the third chapter now. It will make for good relaxing nursing reading. The need for relaxing part.. the boy found the paper and almost ripped the first page out of the book. :) Curious and willing to touch everything. God be with me when he can crawl. Good Night!

Today has been a pretty good day. I managed to do my workout this morning with only minor disruptions from attention hog. I have gotten some of the kitchen clean.. but there is more. I have also created this new blog. I am hoping I can update this more than the journal. Hump Day is almost over. Thank you